Friday, August 14, 2009


It has been a long time since my last post. So much has happened, we started swimming 'lessons' and Jonah LOVES swimming. Why they call it swimming lessons, I have no idea, he is not learning any skills, all we are doing is helping our babies be more comfortable in the water. Jonah is a little fish in the making....started kicking in his first 'lesson'.

Jonah and Daddy ->
My sister-in-law had her first baby, Tali. Tali was born 15 days early, 6lbs3oz, a true Canadian, born at 10:15pm on Canada Day. Delivery was long and difficult, and Mommy was in a LOT of pain afterwards. She informed me that the doctor had offered her a C-section but she turned it down. Both mother and child almost did not make it. I asked her a few weeks after if she would be considering a c-section for her next, and she said no. She said that the emotions that she experienced in child birth were awesome and that she would do it all over again to get the same experience. At first, I thought she was crazy. Afterwards, I thought about it and I completely understand how she feels.

I didn't get to push my son out, we ended up as a c-section, but I did push for 2.5 hours and had a taste of the emotions that she experienced. I know that had I refused my c-section, Jonah may not have survived, and I wouldn't change my own choices either. It does have me re-thinking the attempt of a v-bac delivery....I know that I am tough, that I heal well, and that I can handle a great amount of pain, but what of the risks.... Jonah would not decend, he was too big, and face up, and my pelvis was too small, would an attempt only end up the same way?

Getting to the point of this post, sleep. Ah, sleep, I remember when I would go to sleep and sleep for close to 12 hours (when I didn't have to work the next day), or when I was tired and would just go back to bed for a nap the next day....those days are long gone. I now have a 7 month old, turning exactly 7 months tonight at 7:41pm!! My how time flies. I have found that I now do so many things that I SWORE I would NOT do as a parent. I used to believe strongly in circumcision....I couldn't bring myself to have our son done, in the end, I believe in not messing with God's design.. ;-) I would TRY breastfeeding but had no plans on being a hero {I wound up breast feeding through delayed milk, 2 blebs, thrush, and cracked nipples - now I am not sure when I will attempt to wean}. I swore I would make sure my baby was used to sleeping on their own from the get-go, and I would NEVER bring my baby to bed with me. Well, I held Jonah so much, I rocked him, I cuddled him, I loved on him so much that he loves to be in our arms. He wants to be rocked and nursed to sleep, and often ends up in our bed during the night. I sleep so much better when he is there with me and so does he.
So many people have given their opinions on sleep training, and I have taken it all in. He should have been trained to sleep on his own by now apparantly, but I can't seem to stand to hear him cry. I never knew the depths of a mothers' connection to their infant. It actually hurts, DEEP, to hear him cry. I placed him in his crib this evening with his mobile, and he was happy. I told him that I was going to take a shower but would be right back. Almost as soon as I was in the shower, he began to cry. I continued my shower, albeit a hurried one now, calling out to him to let him know I was still here, and on my way. I am not sure how long the shower lasted, maximum of 10 minutes - but Jonah was so upset by the time I got out. I threw on a nightgown and rushed to him, telling him he was ok, I was here. I picked him up and comforted him. He was calmed pretty fast, but I was not so easy to soothe.

I rocked him and upon hearing his deep signs, the kind that follow a good cry, and began to nurse him. He was calmed and after a few minutes was smiling at me. I found myself crying as I comforted my son, I couldn't get over just how deeply it affected my heart to hear/see my son so upset. How do other mothers' find the strength to let their babies' CIO (Cry It Out)??? Aside from my shower today, my record is 30 seconds....

I know that there has to be another way, do children just figure it out on their own and wean themselves? I found myself praying to God, asking Him to guide Jonah and myself as we figure out this part of our journey.

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