Baptism

Just recently, we had Jonah baptized. It was a wonderful day, and though it was crazy, it is one I will remember for life. After working so hard for days to prepare for it, not just spiritually, but physically it came and went in a whirlwind. We spent days preparing our home for company, our living room is usually baby friendly - a swing, bouncy chair and floor matts, things for Jonah, but no room for more than two or three guests, so rearranging (and a whole lot of spring cleaning) ensued. Anything breakable was tucked away, table was set for coffee, tea, juice, cake and other snacks, chairs arranged to accomodate a large amount of guests, and baby toys tucked away into Jonah's room. Daddy cleaned while I organized, arranged, and dusted.

The baptism was extra special in so many ways. My in-laws speak little or no english and our desire was to have a bilingual wedding, unfortunately the priest that was to officiate was relocated 2 weeks b4 and we were left with an all anglo wedding. To make up for this, we opted for a french baptism.

What is even more awesome, little Jonah wore a family heirloom. The gown he wore, was worn my me, my mother, and my grandmother. He was baptized in the same church that I was, as well as his great grandmother! He was the sole child baptized (even more special these days where multiple children are done together) and placed on the alter afterwards, something that I had not seen anywhere else, but was done to me. He lay on the same alter that I lay on, in the very same gown...it was surreal!

Humbled

I have been reading a lot of blogs lately, stumbling across so many parents who are walking in hard and even horrible times. These parents have children who are ill, premature, or even have passed away. These parents are my heroes. I am in awe of the strength they have not just to walk it, but to share their stories so openly, they write it down and are ultimately able to pull through.

My mother has told me to stop reading these, and I don't know why I am drawn to these stories, but I am. I could easily just push it out of my mind and find other mothers' whose children are healthy and nothing is wrong, but that doesn't make what these amazing people are going through go away. I feel the urge to love them and pray for them, and I do.

I used to be such a strong christian, praying several times a day, Jesus walked with me and I talked to him all the time. Somewhere along the way, my heart was broken, I moved away for college and subsequently felt cut off from everything I knew. I became depressed, depleted, and instead of bringing me closer to God, I got lost. I have been clawing my way back home for years now but seem to have difficulty finding the 'time' to pray, and I keep finding things that ' I will do first', and somehow I can't seem to find my way home. These people, their strength, and their unwavering faith have been tugging me back. I am praying more, often for these precious children, their families and for God's will be done. Somehow, they are bringing me home, they are pulling me back to where I want and need to be.

I feel strangely connected to these people, I feel their pain deep in my heart, and I weep for each one of them. It is not because I like to cry, just the opposite actually. My heart wrenches for each child, for what they are going through, and when each one is called home. I know that going home to Jesus is a wonderful thing, and we should rejoice, but I mourn for the families, for the loss of time here on earth with their little angels. To see them grow, all their firsts, the things that all parents revel in, rejoice in, and shout from the rooftops about. I am not sure what God has in store for me, or why these families have become so important to me, but I will continue to pray for these amazing disciples. I do know that a part of God's plan for these people was for people like me, to show that God is good, even when you feel like He has left you, He actually helps you through it.

I have begun to be even more thankful for the little bundle we have finally been blessed with. Since I found out I was pregnant for Jonah, I have been giving him back to God. I thank the Lord for His precious gift, for answering my hearts' desire, my prayers, and I give him back to God. Jonah is not really mine, he was created by God through me, he is a part of me, but he is only given to me 'on loan' so to speak. One day, God will call him home too, just as He will call my husband and myself back too. I pray that I am not here to see Jonah's call back home, but it is not my decision. I give Jonah back to his true Father and ask that HE keep him safe from sickness and harm, and that He help me to be the best mother that He has called me to be. To be the mother that Jonah needs. I really am blessed and I pray that these amazing parents who are walking through such tough times are equally blessed, to witness a miracle, to see their loved ones that doctors don't expect a recovery from miraculously pull through. That the doctors are reminded that there is a much higher power in control.

Trials of a parent

Life as a parent is very different from life before. So much more challenges and so much more strength is needed to get through at times. Yesterday, I woke feeling ill, and still had to get up and go through the day with my son. It appeared to be a flu (a 24 hour bug thank the Lord), nausea, dizziness, exhaustion, slight sore throat, you name it. Once my hubby got up (around noon), I handed off our son and went for a nap. Only an hour into the nap, it was time to feed our son again, then I changed him. This is when I noticed the blood crystals in his urine.

Just the day before, we had met his new pediatrician and I had brought his diaper b/c that morning he had some blood crystals in his first diaper of the day. She assured me that it is ok and common to have it from time to time, but that if he had it again in the next few days, to bring him back in. Here we were, just over 24 hours later with the same thing. Upon calling the pediatrician, the nurse informed us that she was with another patient but that they would talk to her and call us back with her directions. An hour later, we got the call. Unfortunately, she was not able to squeeze us in, but b/c of his UTI a month and a half earlier, she feared it had either not gone completely away, or that it was happening again. Her directions were to head right to CHEO (Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario). Having been through this b4, we packed bags just in case he was admitted and after informing family of what was happening, we flew out the door.

After 7 long hours, and another urine culture via catheter, Jonah was given a clean bill of health and the doctor explained what kind of blood crystal to be leary off. The ones he had had the past few days were copper in colour, whereas the one he had when he had his UTI was blood red and stringy, and that is the one to worry over. They assured me that we did the right thing by bringing him in. This was especially trying for me as I had the flu and sitting upright for 7 hours in an uncomfortable chair when I wanted to vomit and curl up in a ball and sleep. I made it through and upon returning home, we ate an especially late dinner and then went to bed.

I had often wondered how mothers did this, how do they still get up and tend to their children when they are ill? How do they do it when they are pregnant for their second, third, fourth, etc child? I know from experience how exhausted one feels in the first trimester and I couldn't imagine not going to lay down to sleep when you needed it....in fact, the thing I dreaded the most of parenthood was the lack of sleep. I learned immediately that you find the endurance and energy from deep within. I really don't know how I got by the first month, the most exhausting part, sleeping for only an hour or two some nights.... How was I NOT a walking zombie?? God really knew what he was doing when he created us, he gave women an energy pool that is only accessible once they become a mother. Ingenious!

I woke this morning feeling much better, and thankful that all I had was a 24 hour bug. Today was much easier, but thankful still for Jonah's nap time.

Creating a heretage

As Easter draws ever near, I find myself contemplating our future holidays as a family. What holidays will we celebrate as a family and turn into family traditions, how will we incorporate both families? How will we celebrate them?

For the past several years I have been a part of a local play that has been done every year for years, The Crucifixion. It was written and is still directed by Colleen Noble, she wrote it as a young teen straight from the bible, and for years her husband Peter Noble has played the part of Jesus. Once I began dating my husband, he began taking part as well. This year, it will just be our new son, Jonah, and I will be in it and I find warmth and honour to take part of such a wonderful production, and I love that Jonah will grow up in such an environment, learn what Jesus has done for him, for his family, for all of us. I encourage everyone to come and see, and experience the passion!

The play is so dramatic, complete with effects, lighting, you name it and it has been an honour to be a part of it. I find myself thinking ahead to other holidays, thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, .... how will we celebrate it, what values do we want to impart on our children. The most challenging for me as a christian is Halloween. For obvious reasons, it is not a christian holiday and can easily be turned into a very pagan and dark holiday. The dilemma is this, both my husband and I celebrated it as children, trick or treating, the call of free candy too strong to resist. How can we not allow our children to do what we did as children? Also, so many other children, peers, will be taking part, how out of place may they feel not doing so too? It is easier today, with more and more churches having their own celebrations and instilling the bible teaching, something that was not available when I was a child. I am guessing we will take it a day at a time and a holiday at a time. We have time to decide what will happen for Halloween, with Jonah just under 3 months old, we have plenty of time...