Parenthood

Life as a parent is awesome. I wouldn’t change anything, nor take anything away. As short as it has been thus far, it has been challenging for all of us. Because JJ was born via c-section, my milk was delayed coming in, a full week later it was finally in. Poor JJ was losing too much weight and had to be supplemented with formula, Enfamil A+, it made him constipated. He went 5 full days without a BM, so as soon as my milk was in, I took him right off.

Here he is just a few minutes old, 8lbs 8oz! Our first meeting!! Jonah was about an hour old and I was in recovery!! One of the happiest days of my life!
On Feb 11, at 4 weeks old, I noticed that JJ slept longer than usual during the day. In the evening, I noticed that his BM was more watery, then I noticed what appeared to be puss and blood in with his urine and it had a thicker consistency than usual. His temp was 99.4, but we took him into the children’s’ hospital anyway. He was looked over 2 hours later, 10pm, and by then he had a fever. It went fast from here; he was given Tylenol for the fever, and then went through a battery of tests, a lumbar puncture, ultrasounds, blood tests, urine test, and then urine cultures. It was determined that he had a urinary tract infection (UTI). He was in the hospital for 5 days receiving Amoxicillin by IV and then orally daily until his follow up test – a VCUG – on Mar11, a whole month later. He was to stay on the antibiotics until he saw the doctor afterwards with the results.

This was just after he was admitted to CHEO. He slept a lot. The morning of the 3rd day, the IV in his foot was no longer good & he needed a new IV. After trying for 30 minutes to get a good vein, and using poor Jonah as a pin cushion,
they used a vein in his head.

The antibiotics gave him diarrhea and stomach pains, and they continued for the entire time he was on them. By the time he had the VCUG, he and I both had thrush – I was in so much pain and so was he. The doctor conducting the test stated that so far, it looked as though JJ was fine and recommended that we call the doctor to see if we can stop the meds, as the earliest appointment they could give us was mar 26, which would have had JJ on meds for 6 weeks!
On Mar 13, I got the call back from the doctor that JJ was fine, he could come off his meds and that we didn’t need to go in to see him. Unfortunately, JJ still has diarrhea, but the pain has stopped. To date, we have gotten rid of the thrush with the help of gentian violet and dr. Newman’s nipple cream, I only have to deal with the cracks on my nipples that came with my thrush. I can’t wait for them to heal.

We are watching JJ’s weight gain, as the diarrhea can easily make him dehydrated and slow down his gain, so I am always on the look out for symptoms of dehydration and we are working to up his probiotics. In addition, I am taking a supplement called “More Milk Plus” by ‘motherlove’. It has been a godsend.

Though the road of parenthood is ladled with worry and concern, I can’t imagine life without JJ. He is our charmer; he charmed his way into our hearts and lives. I can’t imagine going somewhere without him as he is an extension of myself. I thank God everyday for the gift of JJ, we are so blessed!

Dreams Really Do Come True

My dream was to become a wife and mother, and as of October 7, 2006, I was a wife. However, once I was married, I began to see how close I was to possibly becoming a mother. I was excited, but began to doubt if it was for me. I wondered if I really wanted to go through labour and delivery, did I want to disrupt my whole life? Would I make a good mother? Would I make mistakes? Most assuredly, but how deeply would those mistakes affect the child(ren)? I wanted to hold off on trying for children and my husband was patient.

In February, I learned that my sister-in-law had begun trying to conceive a child back around the time of our wedding, but as of yet been unsuccessful. After giving her some positive reinforcement, and encouragement, I began to rethink the idea myself. Married at 30, I don’t want to have children into my 40’s if I can help it. How do I know we won’t have problems conceiving? Just because most people in both of our families are very fertile, doesn’t mean we will be. After we talked, we both agreed that it was time to start trying.

By June, I was pregnant, due Mar 8, 2008. We were happy and excited, and I began to fight off the doubts that had addled me in October. Doubts, fears, and questioning if I could do this. I pushed these thoughts out of my mind as best as I could. I loved my job, loved my coworkers and loved my supervisor, however, my supervisor gave her notice shortly after I found out I was pregnant and a new supervisor began.

Now, you have to understand that I am a peace-keeper by nature and that often involves avoiding confrontations, and hoping things will fix themselves or get better naturally. Therefore, when my new supervisor began to harass me, I pushed past it. Instead, it escalated and began to happen in front of other staff, parents and children. I was stressed to the hilt and would be reduced to tears often. At 10 weeks gestation, I miscarried. I was and am convinced that stress was the underlying cause, yet this cannot be determined or proven.

At the loss of my baby, I was heartbroken, depressed and trying to not blame myself, obviously on sick leave to boot. Could it have been avoided had I stood up for myself? There is no way of knowing. I did decide that no job was worth the life of your child and gave notice, moving on to work in an office setting. I needed a break after working 10 years in the field, and focus on starting our own family.

By December, I was pregnant again, due August 8. 2008 – 08/08/08! I had no more doubts or fears; I knew it was a journey, but that we would take it together as a family. Labour and delivery were experienced by women every day and for centuries, I can do it too. No fears of a recurring miscarriage either, what were the chances?After Christmas, I got the flu and a low grade fever with stomach pains. Two weeks later, I miscarried at 7 weeks gestation. I was depleted and broken completely. New doubts entered my mind, were we even meant to be parents? What was wrong with me? IS there something wrong with me?

Both miscarriages began with spotting, the first one was tissue with a pink tinge (I found out later I actually had a wicked yeast infection) and the second one with one spot, about the size of a quarter. After an internal and then internal ultrasounds (no heartbeat was fount in both cases), my miscarriages began in full force. My first one began with my water breaking, fast, both with heavy bleeding and huge clots passing. Both with border-line hemeraging and ending in D&C’s (dusting and cleanings, lol).

After my second miscarriage, my doctor sent me for tests to see if something was wrong with me. I wondered if I wanted to even try again, but after the tests were done, I knew that I wanted to be a mom too badly to give up. We were given the all clear to try again and an ultrasound requisition with orders to go for one 2 weeks after a positive home test and to follow up with him.

One month later we were pregnant (due Jan 24); the tech wanted to do an internal ultrasound and was upset at my refusal, then baffled and even more upset with my request for a picture. My doctor agreed no internal ultrasounds and no intercourse, “nothing goes in”. A week later, I had another ultrasound - somewhere else – and a heartbeat was detected (156bpm) and an estimated due date of January 22, 2009.

This baby became nicknamed our little charmer, because 3rd times the charm! At 16 weeks, our doctor could not find the heartbeat with Doppler and sent us immediately for an ultrasound – we found that I had an anterior placenta, but that baby was doing well and strong. My hubby was sure he saw ‘something’ and that it was a boy. At 18 weeks, we had another ultrasound, dear hubby was right, we are having a boy. He was doing well, strong and measuring almost 2 weeks ahead of schedule. At 20 weeks I FINALLY felt movement and I was graduated to modified bed rest – short walks only. By 30 weeks, I began to have Braxton hicks, and by 34 weeks developed Edema and was put back on bed rest. An ultrasound on Jan 9 showed that baby was no longer breech, weighed approximately 8lbs 9oz, and there was an ‘echo’.
We were directed to go directly to the hospital where they did a non-stress test, our charmer passed with flying colours and the echo was deemed either mechonium (baby’s first BM) or vernix (the top layer of skin of the baby, a protective coating over the baby to protect him/her from the fluid) and we were sent home.

On January 14th, after a sleepless night, I passed my mucous plug, and continued to do so all day. At 1:30am on January 15th, my water broke – 9 days early. My mother brought me in and my hubby met us there (he works nights) and mechonium was detected in the amniotic fluid. By 3:30, labour began and I was given pit to keep it up. At 7am, I had the epidural and was fully dilated by 4pm. The doctor noticed that the baby was face up and still high up, they hoped that he would turn as I pushed him out. During labour, the baby’s heart rate often disappeared and would dip, at times as low as 80bpm. The nurses insisted that the baby was just active and that when it dipped to 80, the monitor was just picking up MY heart rate by mistake.

The epidural took away the pain, but I still felt pressure, and it was immense. I guess it was b/c he was face up, but it was so intense that it hurt; I had a death-grip in the side of my bed and breathed my way through each contraction. After 2.5 hours of pushing, our charmer had still not descended and the doctor recommended a c-section, I agreed but felt like such a failure for not being able to push him out, and was so spent and exhausted that I knew that there was no way I could continue.

Once the baby was born, the doctor was shocked at how much mechonium was present. The paediatrician looked him over and the information from the labour and stated that our son, Jonah (or JJ as he called him) was in distress during labour, that the heart rate problems were actually his distress. Jonah was put in an incubator and was observed for a few hours. He was no longer in distress within minutes and they bathed him for his feedings. I asked the doctor if he could tell why Jonah had not descended and he said it was a combination of JJ’s size, his position (face up), and the size of my pelvis. There was no way he could have descended.
Jonah is our little fighter and growing so fast. Parenthood is amazing and hard at the same time. I don’t know how I am getting by on so little sleep, but I am. The world is so different when you look at it from the eyes of a parent, and I can’t imagine how we lived without him in our lives. I missed pregnancy the moment he was born and I am already looking forward to our next baby. We just have to trust that everything will be ok, and to take it a day at a time, like we took the last one, like we are taking life as parents.

Being a parent is its own reward, and well worth the wait! Both of my hearts’ desires have now been granted to me, we are truly blessed!

Worth the wait!

When I was a young child, I knew I wanted to be a mother. My hearts' desire was to become a wife and mother, but I was determined to wait for the right man. Until said man showed up, I studied and became an Early Childhood Educator and threw myself into my job until he showed up.

Several years later, I realized my mistake. Where would I meet said man? Working in childcare, the men I saw were fathers, most married, all involved, but would I really want to get involved with the parent of a child in our care? I don't think so. I don't do the bar scene, nor do I go to dance halls. I am not a social person by nature, so how would I meet someone if I was only at home, or work or church? I tried looking at church, but the men there were either married, too young or studying to become a priest. I was becoming worried and realized that I needed to make some changes. I started training in TaeKwan Do, but again, the men were either too young or married.

I turned to the internet. I joined some dating sites and began my search. I talked to many on-line but only met a handful in person, being too nervous about the dangers of some people on line. When I met my husband, he innitiated the connection. We began talking online and getting to know one another slowly. A few months later, we decided to meet and the rest is history. We were married on October 7, 2006.
I have always been fascinated and border-line obsessed with medieval/renaissance times. I know that times were harder, medically it was pretty scary, and it was a more raw way of life. Still, I find it more romantic, more simple...men were men and women were women. It is a passion of mine, so we incorporated it into our wedding. We had a themed wedding and invited guests to come in costume should they wish to. The wedding party were given a rare break, for the women, instead of spending $300 on a gown that they will never wear again, they spent $60 to rent a gown and max $20 on shoes/slippers.

Our goal was to give the illusion of a change in time, and make it more magical. Some may say it was corny, or weird, but I say it was cool. One thing is for sure....no one will ever forget it!